


Asking Too Much

by castles_and_crowns



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Darvey - Freeform, F/M, One Shot, Post-Season 4, Unresolved Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-29 23:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castles_and_crowns/pseuds/castles_and_crowns
Summary: After Donna tells Harvey she's going to work for Louis, Harvey shows up at Donna's apartment to persuade her to change her mind.





	Asking Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> Last night after that amazing mid-season 7 finale, I was searching through old unfinished Darvey fics I wrote, and I found this one. It takes place post season 4 finale.
> 
> Obviously these are USA's and Aaron Korsh's characters. Believe me, if they were mine, Donna and Harvey would have gotten together ages ago :)

Donna Paulsen sat on her couch staring blankly at her television while holding a full glass of white wine. She had been staring at the television ever since she had gotten home, which was a few hours ago, but she hadn’t absorbed a word of what she heard. She was too busy lost in thought, trying to remind herself that she did the right thing by quitting being Harvey’s secretary. 

It was time to leave, wasn’t it? While Harvey might have claimed that they had everything, she knew that she did not. Harvey had everything because he could sleep with any woman in the city that he wanted while still getting the uncomplicated, emotional support from Donna. But for Donna, it wasn’t like that. And Harvey must have known that. Or was he just too blind to realize it?

Suddenly there was an aggressive knock on her door.

“Donna! Donna, open up!”

Donna took a long gulp and finished her wine before walking to the door. She knew who was on the other side, but she looked through the peephole anyway. Harvey Spector stood there, still in his suit, leaning against the door and looking distressed.

Donna opened the door but kept the latch attached, so that Harvey couldn’t push his way in.

“Harvey,” she sighed.

“Donna, let me in.”

Donna couldn’t believe her senses. Harvey’s eyes were bloodshot and he smelled like he had just bathed in scotch. In all her years of knowing him, Donna had never seen Harvey truly smashed. 

“You’re drunk,” she said in disbelief.

“I’m not,” Harvey replied. “Now, please let me in.”

“No, Harvey. You need to go home.”

“I’m not going home, Donna,” Harvey said as he banged his fist against the door.

“You’re wasted, Harvey,” Donna snapped. “Now go home before you say something you’re going to regret in the morning. Or better yet, before you say something and then don’t bother acknowledging it at all.”

Donna watched as Harvey’s facial expression changed. His stern expression melted, and for the first time that Donna could remember, she saw his vulnerability written all over his face.

“Please,” he pleaded. “Please let me in.”

Against her better judgment, Donna removed the latch and opened the door. Harvey marched straight past her and practically collapsed on the couch.

“You can’t leave me, Donna.”

“Who’s to say that I can’t?” Donna asked, crossing her arms in defiance.

“Me!” Harvey shouted.

“You don’t get to run my life, Harvey. Not anymore.”

“I never ran your life, Donna. You know as well as I do that you are the only one who runs your life.”

“You don’t get it,” she replied, shaking her head. “You may not consciously run my life. But you do. And you know what? I guess a lot of it is my fault because I never stopped it, and I let it go on for twelve years. But for twelve years I’ve revolved my life around you and your needs.”

Harvey tilted his head to the side in that exasperated way that Donna knew too well. She knew that he knew she was right, but she also knew he wasn’t going to admit it. So she prodded.

“You know I’m right.”

“I’ve never wanted to stop you from living your life,” Harvey responded, almost sadly.

“And you know what? I believe you, Harvey, I really do. Which is why I’m blaming myself for a lot of this. But you have to understand—you are part of it.”

“I don’t understand,” Harvey said.

“Don’t you?” Donna said, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“Alright, Donna, what do you want me to say? That I’ve willingly allowed you to live what you might consider to be a half-life? That I’ve been complicit in all of this?” Harvey asked, waving his hands around.

“I want you to say that you love me,” Donna shouted as her voice broke.

“What? Really, Donna? We went over this a few nights ago. I believe my exact words were, ‘You know I love you, Donna.’ I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“And like I said a few days ago, I want to know how you love me!”

“Donna—“

“Either give me an answer or leave.”

“You are impossible,” he sighed.

“That’s not an answer,” Donna replied sharply.

Harvey just looked at her helplessly. Donna’s patience had worn thin as she pointed to the door.

“Go.”

“Oh, c’mon…” Harvey said.

“If you can’t answer, then you are going to leave,” she told him.

“Can’t we just talk?” 

“You’re hopeless,” Donna groaned as she walked to the couch where Harvey was. She grabbed his arm and started pulling him as if she was going to single-handedly drag him out of her apartment.

With relative ease, Harvey wiggled his way out of Donna’s grasp and stood up in doing so. He crossed his arms.

“I just don’t want you to leave,” he said.

“Well, you don’t have a choice in that matter.”

“We’ve been together for twelve years,” he countered.

“And so maybe it’s time for a change. No—it is time. Look Harvey, I don’t know what else there is to say. We keep going in circles here. You can’t stop me from leaving. Finally, I’m putting myself first. You should accept that. Hell, you should be happy about that.”

“Of course, I’m happy you’re putting yourself first, Donna,” Harvey said as he took two steps closer to Donna and grabbed her forearms. “I just wish you could put yourself first while staying with me. I could give you days off, let you go home early…”

Donna laughed and tried not to focus on Harvey’s touch. For all their daily interactions, they rarely touched. 

“You still don’t get it,” Donna said, although she didn’t push away from his grasp. “Or you do, and you’re avoiding the real topic.”

“Of course, I get it,” Harvey said as he released Donna’s arms. “But you’re asking too much from me.”

“Ever think you’re asking too much of me?”

“All the time,” Harvey admitted.

Donna stepped away, surprised at his candor. “Then why?” she asked softly.

Harvey sighed and shook his head. He walked over to Donna’s small kitchen table and sat down in a chair. Looking down at the table, he said, “For a dozen reasons, I guess. I’m not good with long term. I don’t want to ruin what we have. I’m not good enough for you.”

“But don’t I get a say in what’s good enough for me?” Donna questioned as she went to sit at the other side of the table.

Harvey didn’t immediately answer, and Donna wondered if she had stumped him. She watched him carefully from across the table as he just sat there staring down.

“Well?”

“It’s just too complicated, Donna. I don’t trust myself to do good by you. You’ve seen me with other women. Something always goes wrong,” Harvey replied seriously, finally looking Donna in the eye.

He had clearly made up his mind, and Donna had no more fight left in her to argue with him. She swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. Tears too were quickly forming in her eyes, and she knew she didn’t have long before they escaped. And that was something she couldn’t let Harvey see. “Okay,” she said stoically. 

“I don’t want to lose you, Donna,” Harvey said even more earnestly.

“You won’t. I’ll be right down the hall. Now please leave.” Donna got up from her chair and crossed her arms, protecting herself.  
“Donna, please…”

“I won’t ask again, Harvey.”

With complete and total reluctance, Harvey rose from the table and walked toward the door. Donna followed behind him, though she kept a safe distance. When Harvey reached the door, he turned around. 

“I meant what I said when I said I loved you.”

“I meant it when I said it too,” Donna said, her voice shaking. “Now, good night.”

Harvey looked at Donna once last time, his eyes pleading with her to change her mind. Donna held her resolve though, and when Harvey didn’t see what he wanted to see, he turned around, walked out the apartment, and closed the door behind him.

Donna waited a few seconds before approaching the door and attaching the latch. She looked through the peephole and saw him still standing there, looking like he was in a significant amount of pain. Her instinct was to open the door and comfort him, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to break the pattern. In this moment, she was in pain too, and she had to start putting herself first. Donna stepped away from the door, returned to her couch, and went back to staring at the television, not absorbing any of what was happening on the screen.


End file.
